Remember how I said once that when I get really interested in something, I really am interested and how no one's going to stop me from doing something about it? And then when I finally lost interest in that something just because I wasn't doing good at it, it seems like it was nothing at all. Easily forgotten. Well... I have this new interest. Photography. I don't know if I'm really interested in it or it's just something I think of doing to kill time while having my semestral break since my mom won't buy me House dvds. I think I'm going to experiment on this to see how long I can keep being interested in photography. Right now I'm really craving to have a Canon SLR. I'm thinking if I should ask my dad to buy an SLR or a router. Gah! I want them both! If this interest goes well it might become another favourite hobby like the thousands I already have now. My Jack-of-all-trades Syndrome strikes again and I don't know why I can't be interested in something cheaper =_=.... Wanting a piano when I was a child isn't cheap, learning karate isn't cheap (but it's quite free ^_^), playing tennis is definitely expensive, wanting to learn 5 languages isn't cheap, even though I self study (language books aren't cheap), wanting to study violin wasn't cheap, and now wanting to be a photographer isn't cheap either especially if you're like me. I just don't know how to handle these interests and in the end like my mom would always say... I'll just be wasting money. I know that =_=... There're lots of things that I don't understand in the way I act... I need to pull myself together and decide what I really want to do... That's much harder since I can't even decide on my own where I should eat for lunch... One day I'm going to die lonely, young and unaccomplished. And written on my epitaph would be "Died trying to decide whether to cross the road or not." What a lame and confused life I lead =_=.

Oh yeah! Since I'm in the photography interest now I would really love taking autumn and winter pictures. Those are my favouritest seasons x3... even though we have none of those =_=... I can't wait to go to Canada. My life is so boring T.T

Xiet! Akalain niyo na matatapos ako ng ganitong kaaga? 11 hours of continuously typing my ENGLCOM portfolio really paid off. I didn't even stop for bathroom breaks XDD... Medyo. Kasi naman wala akong ginawa noong weekend kundi matulog kaya hindi ko nagawa 'tong portfolio na 'to kaya nag-cram ako ngaun. Pero salamat parin kasi akala ko hindi na naman ako matutulog. Hahaha... And xiet yung test sa Chemistry, buti na lang hindi ako masyadong nag-aral kundi madidisappoint lang ako kasi parang give-away lang yung xiet na test na yun na pinag-aalalahanan naming lahat.

I've stopped sulking over MATAPRE. Hindi dahil hindi ako uulit, kasi hindi pa naman ako sigurado pero wala rin namang magagawa ang pag-hihimutok ko, so whatever happens, happens. Tanggap ko na ang aking magiging kapalaran ewan ko lang kung kaya ng mga mahihinang puso at konstitusyon ng mga magulang ko ang kabiguang ako nakatamo pero sila ang nagdurusa. Does it even make sense? Siguro naman nasanay na sila sa grade ng kapatid ko nung mga panahong pabagsak-bagsak lang siya >.<... No use wasting my time on regrets. Katulad nga ng sabi ng kapatid ko sa tuwing kami'y mag-lalaro ng Pangya at hindi pumasok yung golf ball sa butas kahit ilang centimeters na lang ang layo. "No Regrets, Just Lessons learned." Ang galing diba nag-lalaro lang ng Pangya naka-buo agad ng maka-buluhang quote. And ignorant people say you can't learn anything from playing games. Well, in your face assholes... XDD

I feel like a heavy load has been lifted form my crooked back, or more like a thorn has been removed from my fragile procrastinating heart >.<
And HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN 15 minutes BERNINA~!

Today we had our Final Exams in Math. I don't need to know what I'll get since I always get the same results anyway. I don't know why I'm so stupid at Math. What the hell is wrong with me? For a short moment I may understand what's being taught, then when the questions come, I get a major mental block of whatever math problem is taught to me. I'm not like that with Chemistry, Physics or Biology, it's just Math. Now Course Card Distribution is some days away and I fear for my life because I can feel that I'm going to fail in Math and then I have to repeat MATAPRE again. I've never failed this bad before. If it's that bad once what more if I take it again? I hate it. Why can't I just be stupid at some other subjects. Why does it have to be Math? I can't do anything now. What's done is done and if ever I have to repeat MATAPRE again. Wish me luck.


I really feel so uneasy... I can't even sing the Hairspray soundtracks I just downloaded. =_=. I just know that I'll fail although I don't want to think that. Gah! It's so annoying. I can't think properly for tomorrow's Chemistry test. Don't tell me I'm going to fail that too because of Math? I can't think positively this time. I don't want to have false hopes in the end. Oh man, I'm at my wit's end.

Here are some pictures on our Intramuros trip


There's more but I'm too bored now =_=... It was a pretty cool trip with just the three of us (Patty, Erika and Me) sneaking into places where we're not allowed in to and breaking the "No picture taking inside the shrine" rule ^^. I wanted to buy the large books of Noli and El Fili in the gift shop. I don't how much those are but they look like the ones displayed in the gallery! I so want it ><. After we went home we rode a Kalesa it was pretty cool since the horse was going too fast and I was seated in front, beside the kalesa driver (aka Mamang Kalesero) and people were staring and I don't like the staring =_=.

I started watching Death Note last Tuesday while trying to look for an excuse not to study for the big Math and Chemistry quiz on Thursday and Friday. When I first saw the first episode I thought much like the manga (but I haven't actually gone far from the manga, more like I read a couple paes then that's it), but still I continued to watch and then like Hime said "Walang wala yung movie. Xiet!" or something ><. I based my liking of Death Note from the first and second movie. But as you all know many things in the manga were not included in the movie as well as in the series but both were excellent! ^^

So yeah I started watching it on Tuesday then when I found out that there was no classes the following day I didn't watch it, because I want my brother to see what Death Note is and just as I was expecting he got hooked! Yey for me. Another follower! I'm the kind of person, who, when you tell me something about a movie I haven't yet watched won't affect me much. So I kept asking my brother about things I haven't seen yet (Yes, I like to spoil myself =_=) because he's gone farther into the series than me. Heck, he even finished it first, the ass. He keeps telling me how L's going to die and stuff like that and when I saw it I cried so hard you'd think someone real died (Someone did die T_T), my brother and mom was even laughing at me =_=. I also cried at the ending. It was the perfect ending like what another asshole told me. It was so peaceful. I want to die like that-the sky as the last thing I see before I'm completely gone. That's why I'm trying to guess what age I'll die so that 40 seconds (x3) before I die I'll request to be taken to some place where there's a clear view of the sky and clouds and nature! XDD

It might've looked like that in the series but the manga offers a different set of events.

[SPOILER WARNING: Do not proceed if you are easily bothered by the ending I'm about to give, remember I haven't gotten too far in reading the manga but I just had to see what kind of ending it has so I was tempted to read the last page ><]

In the series Light died because Ryuk wrote his name in the Death Note unknowingly after he ran from the others because they already knew that he was Kira thanks to the ever cute and not-so-near-to-L's-intelligence-successor-of-L, Near. In the manga, Light wasn't able to run away so Ryuk had to stop his suffering by writing his name in his note. When Light discovered that he was going to be killed by Ryuk then and there he pleaded to Ryuk not to kill him because he is the "God of the New World" something something. But Ryuk wasn't one to be reasoned with, he wrote Light's name in his note and after 40 seconds he had a heart attack in front of everyone. That was the end of Light. Near became L. Simply because the people around him are calling him L now (L is still much smarter). Matsuda doesn't like Near ^^. And remember in the series we saw Misa standing on the edge of a building probably going to jump off because the only man she loved was killed... Well... In the manga she and others who still believed in Kira gathered in a mountain to form a cult and that was how the manga ended... I'm not good at explaining, I know =_=. Bear with it. Bother me if it bothers you. If you want the last chapter of the manga to know what I'm talking about e-mail me ><.

O diba? Walang pasok! Wahaha... That is the power of prayer my friends!...Pagkagising na pagkagising ko nakita ko 8:04 na pala hindi pa ako nagdadasal kaya tumayo na ako at nagsimulang magdasal habang bumababa... Wait! Umuulan pagkagising ko~! Yesh. I love my birth month... It always rains that's why I'm always happy even though I'm just forcing myself to be happy (WTF!?). Anyway, ang bagal bagal kong gumalaw kasi tinatapos ko pang magdasal and ang ingay sa labas kaya hindi ako maka-concetrate =_=. Nagdadasal ka tapos biglang papasok sa isip mo yung mga kanta or ingay sa labas. It's hard you know. Yun hinanda na yung pagkain umupo ako pero hindi pa ako kumain kasi nga nagdadasal pa ako. Pero after ilang minutes kumain na rin ako habang nagdadasal kasi malelate na ko. Natapos ko ring kumain and magdasal.... Tapos yun nag-toothbrush and maliligo na sana ako pero nag-brown out. Tinanong ko kung nasan yung kandila tapos sabi ni ate wala kaming kandila, tapos sabi ko napaka-hirap naman ng buhay natin, tapos sabi niya hindi na daw kami bumibil ng kandila kasi may light thingy na naman daw (yung nag-bubukas pag brown out) naisip ko tuloy "Did everyone's brain stopped working all of a sudden?" Anyway naghintay na lang ako, tapos after ilang minutes bumalik yung kuryente. Yey! Patience is a virtue and Good things come to those who wait ^^. Yun naligo ako, tapos tapos na ako. Pagka-akyat ko sa kwarto ko maglalagay na sana ako ng contact lens kaya lang nalaglag tapos ang tagal kong hinanap. Naisip ko "Xiet! Mag-sasalamin ata ko ngayon" Pero nakita ko narin. Sa wakas. Ilalagay ko na sana sa aking mga mata (><) matapos kong linisin ng ilang segundo kaya lang tumwag si Ma tapos sabi niya wag na lang daw muna akong umattend ng Chem sabi ko ok. So 2:30 ako papasok. Naligo pa tuloy ako ng maaga. Don't they know how cold the water is? Ayun anyway, nag-ym na lang ako tapos nag-online si Erika, sabi niya wala daw pasok! Yey! Tapos sinabi ko kay Pangs tapos niya wala pa naman daw ina-announce, sabi ko sabi ni Erika tapos sabi ng ate niya! Tapos after ilang minutes nag-text si Pangs sabi niya wala nga daw talagang pasok tapos sabi ko see told you! Hahaha! In your face... Joke lang hindi kasama yung in your face... At dun natapos ang aming sabihan sa isa't isa na walang pasok... Mag-mamarathon na lang ako ng Death Note =_=... Nasimulan ko na kahapon eh ><... Oh yeah! Hindi ko pinag-dasal na sana mawalan ng pasok ah... All I said was "Please grant my only wish for today... I wish this day would be excellent" Yun lang... Hindi porke nawalan ng pasok excellent na pero that's just a part of it. I LOVE GOD!

Ang haba pala ng post ko ><

If it wasn't for Chemistry class I wouldn't be up early this morning. I would still be sleeping. That's right I would. After Chemistry I still don't know what to do. We have a 5 hour break, what the hell am I suppose to do in the whole 5 hours? I'm still deciding if I should go with Bernina and Patty to Robinsons or should I go to St. Paul. I have to confront Sir DJ Nicks about the Sword thingy. I asked him if my brother was part of the Sword then he said yes, then my brother told me that he wasn't. What's up with that? =_=... Or maybe I should just go back here and sleep... It's so hard being so indecisive... My head hurts x_x... I so wanted to cut Chemistry but I feel I'm failing and it's only a couple more weeks before our semestral break and then we wouldn't have any in October anymore... I thought we would that's why I've been telling people this... From having only MATAPRE as the only subject we'd be having a final test, here comes CHEMISTRY making my life so miserable... Now we have two solving tests =_=... But I couldn't be thankful because others have it worst than us or me... Haha... I dwell in people's misery and I gloat my fortune to their faces ^^



I just learned this now but it seems that there has been a meteor shower after my birthday here, in the Philippines, which is still my birthday on the other side of the world when the meteor shower happened. Too bad I didn't get to see it... Oh well, maybe in another lifetime ^^. See my life is so boring the only exciting thing that could happen to me is either a storm or a flood; or when I'm traveling the vehicle I'm in could break down or I could witness a post car crash... I should do something exciting before I die =_=.

I can hardly believe it and I definitely don't feel like it but today I turned seventeen. Wow. I don't feel anything special today. What am I suppose to feel? It's just a birthday. Ha ha. ^^. But you know getting older for me is no big deal. I'm actually pretty happy that I'm older. It means God loves me enough to add another year in my life, that's why I don't understand why some people feel ashamed about their ages =_=. There's nothing to be ashamed about, right? ^^. Another year, another cake. But unfortunately we don't have cake today ^^. Instead they made salad. Yes, salad. Tossed salad, fruit salad, chicken salad they cooked them all because they think I like them =_=. Just kidding. I really like salads ^^

Last year for my birthday, I woke up at 4:00 something o'clock because I have school that day and the minute I opened my eyes rain started to fall heavily. That rain made me smile then I thanked God immediately. But after some time it stopped. That really made my day. You could say that I was coincidence or something but It was a pretty good coincidence, don't you think so? God gave me another unusual gift today. No classes. Yep. No classes on my birthday because we have a storm though it's not raining now. I really love the rain and I feel so selfish because of this. I'm always wishing praying and wishing for it to rain to satisfy my own happiness and I don't even think what other people think. Many people out there are plagued by the rain and it's making their lives miserable and here I am happily looking at the rain and not even getting myself wet. That was when I didn't know how to commute.

I didn't know commuting while it rained is hard. Though I always see my brother wet from the rain because he commutes. It didn't really bother me because it wasn't me that was wet anyway. But now... Oh man it was hard... And when I'm with my block mates I always shout "It's part of the adventure, guys!" Yep. But deep inside "Damn this my pants, my shoes they're all wet." I'm getting pretty hypocritical these days. So does that mean my love for the rain is only caused by the possible benefits it may bring me later on? (geek =_=) It looks that way. But I continue denying that. See? I'm a confused schizoprenic. =_=. I'm slowly becoming those people I hate so much O_O.

Well whatever, I still have an essay to finish and I have to research about aliens ^^... Ja ne! o(-_-)o

That was the greeting I got from my crazy friend today as we attended Lab today. I was so engulfed about how miserable I was with my cold that I forgot that it was already August. Time sure does fly and pretty soon before we even notice it we'll be pushing up daisies six feet under. No joke. That is a reality I always think about. Anyway, for some reason, I have a terrible cold today. I don't know who I got it from but I've already contaminated Kim. When I say terrible cold, I MEAN terrible, I've been sneezing a lot which makes me happy, but if it was suppressed for some time you can see my eyes getting teary, and my nose is so red, my eyes are all puffy and teary and the most annoying part is I've been sniffing. My friend suggested

"Dentist?" I said. "

"Yeah. Don't they have those saliva sucking things, ask your dentist to suck your mucuos instead" >.<

It was a cute conversation. I feel so much enlightened. I'm not too depressed not like what I have been these past few days. Like I had some sort of revelation-and in the weirdest place too. I don't know where. It could be when we were in the National Museum. Speaking of that, we had fun today in there. First, after eating lunch at Subimiya (and spending 155 T_T) we decided to go ahead to the National Museum, we looked for a Mega Taxi and luckily we found one. We were arguing who should ride in that... uhhh... ride since there are only three vacant seats left after some short arguments it was decided that Patty, Kim and I should go ahead. Kim and Me were both nervous since we don't know where to get down, good thing Patty knew, to our relief. As we arrived we walked towards the back but we have to go to the front gate to view the gallery. We walked under the hot, scourching sun but we didn't mind and as we entered the front gate I suddenly started reminiscing. I remembered when we were in the 3rd grade, we went there, that's why I remembered seeing the Spolarium. Yep, that was the sole reason for going there. To see the Spolarium. Everything was so worth it. The money spent, the sweat, the long walks, the risk of me fainting under the hot sun, it was all worth it. When I saw that painting as a child, I gave no importance nor any relevant feelings to it. I just wanted to say, back then that I went to a field trip. But now, I almost cried at the sight of the Spolarium. I was so moved, but I have to say that wasn't the cause of my enlightened feelings. After we left we decided that the National Museum would be our next "Tambayan" XP

We arrived at class just in time for ENGLCOM, thank goodness. And after a little recap about yesterday's lesson and some explanation about Date and Acquaintance Rape, Ms. Franco let us watch the 1st episode of House. OMG! I didn't know I was missing part of my life not watching this shit! x). Just the first episode and it already got us (people not watching House before) hooked. It was full of Philosophy which I like in shows. It really makes you think and nod your head unconsciously as you follow each series' plot developments. But once again, it wasn't House that made me feel enlightened.

Dismissal. I thought I was going to be commuting alone again, but Erika followed me because her mom told her to go home immediately. Since "Lolo Dulo" was not in his usual spot today we had to look for a jeep ourselves and we were lucky to find two immediately. Erika asked me

So we boarded the blue one. It was playing old Filipino songs. Erika and I looked at each other and just laughed it off. It turned and made a stop near CSB where we waited for more passengers. As we were waiting, thoughts suddenly came in my head. Like: How I wanted to stay in the provinces instead since it's so peaceful there with nature and everything. How it was nice to get away from civilization and such. How I wanted to get away from everything for the time being. How my life would be so different if only blah blah blah. Stuff like that. Questions also came into my mind. Questions like "What do I really want to do after this?" "Should I really go for it?" "Is this what God wants?" "If it's not then why am I thinking about this?"... All this questions are related to me wanting to go in poor countries and doing missionary things. Yes, I know it sounds hypocritical, but thinking about those things makes me somewhat happy and all warm and fuzzy inside.

In reality, I don't really know what I want to do with my life. Yes, I'm a very confused person. I just accept things as they come and if things don't accept me, hard it is for me to accept I'll let go. Maybe that's why I get annoyed when people ask my course and when I say Literature they always have a follow-up question asking "what job can you get from that?"... I always wanted to say to them "Can't I study something without thinking how much I'll get from it in the future?" Deep down, though, I kind of agree with them. Since I'm always so undecisive I just let the natural causes of things go and then I'll follow. I think that's bad. I have no freakin' idea why God me put in this situation but I've learned through many experiences not to question forces far greater than anyone could comprehend. "The thoughts of the wisest man are only foolish thoughts for God." I like this saying and I greatly believe in this and we all know that this is the truth. I guess you could say the most sensible of thoughts are generated when you least expect it, when you're not trying to force yourself to think. It just comes to you. I mean I thought of this stuff in a jeep that was playing old Filipino music, which I must admit I kind of like. >.<

Oh yeah, I started practicing the violin again since last Sunday. I also learned how to play Final Fantasy's To Zanarkand which took me 4 hours of practice and 3 bruised fingers, but it was worth it even though I learned the wrong octave. I'll practice even more since I've been so motivated, but depressed, these past few days.

ATASHI GAMBARIMASU~! AKIRAMENAI YOU~!